They Call Him Nas by K.C. Mills

Author:K.C. Mills [Mills, K.C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-06-11T04:00:00+00:00

SEVENTEEN

nas

On the drive back to Dae’s place, I thought about what she’d said, more than I cared to, but it was damn near impossible to overlook the mere fact that Dae had verbalized feelings that I have had for years. Feelings that I wouldn’t dare share with anyone because they’d think I was crazy, and rightfully so.

My need to thrive in the world I’d chosen was driven by my father in subtle yet undeniable ways. Just not those which could be discernible by the average logical mind.

Dae was anything but average.

My choice wasn’t one based on need or desperation. Thanks to Xavier, my family would have been well off, regardless of my choice in occupation. He made sure myself, my mother and sister wanted for nothing prior to me taking the lead in that department. It had also been drilled into me that anything I wanted would be handed over without question, so my insistence on getting my hands dirty wasn’t because I had to.

There were several reasons. The most prevailing in the earlier days was driven by my ego. As a man, I didn’t want anyone else responsible for my family’s wellbeing, however much like myself today, Xavier back then had several legitimate business ventures where I could have found my start. I didn’t want that, at least not completely, and the only person who understood the reasoning behind my decision was the woman I was unabashedly falling for.

My father’s illegal proclivities were mild compared to mine so no, I hadn’t felt compelled to follow in his footsteps and technically hadn’t. I was always driven by the need to, as Dae so eloquently put it, succeed where he failed. I had a deep desire to conquer the beast that had conquered him. The victory allowed me a sense of peace that I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever receive after his murder.

No, it didn’t make sense and if my mother knew the real reason I chose the path, my life had traveled, she’d likely have cursed me out, but it was what pushed me most days. Retribution wasn’t possible, but success was. The incessant need to tame the dragon that took our father away from us wasn’t something I could ignore. The little boy inside me who crawled in the bed and hid under the covers needed that success. In a sense, it felt as if I was honoring him. It gave me peace some days and kept me up late on others, and I’d never expected anyone to understand that, but she had.

She’d seen and understood something about me I barely understood myself and that only drew me closer to the woman who was already consuming me a lot faster than I was comfortable with, however I’d made peace with knowing there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to slow things between us down.

Even now, as I looked down into her eyes, my hand cuffing her face, I knew that this was exactly what I wanted. She was what I wanted.

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